Carole

I first met Carole on a visit to The Hacienda Mission San Luis Rey last fall. Three of us were visiting the community and got to spend a little time with her and two of her friends. They call themselves the Three Musketeers. They do everything together. Carole was the quietest of the trio, but as I learned in a recent conversation, quiet doesn’t mean timid. She carries herself with strength and grace — or as she puts it, she’s learned how to be both “gentle and tough.”

Carole’s life changed dramatically when her husband of twenty years suffered a debilitating stroke. Sitting by his hospital bed, she knew her world was about to look completely different. She continued working at first, but after three years of balancing her career with caregiving, she knew it was time to retire. She says that through the caretaking experience, she learned resilience. She focused on always being prepared so that if and when life threw something unexpected her way, she could adapt and continue moving forward.

When her husband passed away ten years after his stroke, Carole was devastated. He was, as she put it, "my whole life." But as the days moved on, she leaned on what she learned from all those years of taking care of him. She says, “When I realized that I couldn't stay in bed all the time because that wasn't good for me, I got out and I did some searching as to what I wanted to do.” She found a senior center and started making friends and going on outings with the group. “That kind of pulled me out of the place I was in. And little by little, I was able to accept things.” She also joined a grief group. She says, “I realized that there were a lot of people in the same boat, and they had a lot of different stories, and it was kind of overwhelming to hear everybody's story … but at the same time, it made you feel good about the good things that you had before the death happened. And I saw it in a different light.”

Then came an unexpected adventure. One day her daughter, wanting her mom to have a little fun, suggested she move from Roseberg, Oregon, to Las Vegas. And just like that, Carole said, “Okay, I’ll try it!”

Her daughter flew to Las Vegas and found a condo in a 20-story building on the Strip. Carole moved in and had the time of her life. She started a group called the Social Butterflies, helping neighbors connect through conversation, games, and outings. By the time she left, the group had grown to 50 people.

After a few recent health issues, Carole felt the pull back to California, where she had spent most of her life. Leaving behind her friends in Vegas wasn’t easy, but she knew how to start fresh. “It was challenging,” she admits. “But I come to find out that everybody is having just as much trouble as I was having, some more, some less. But still, it's an adjustment for everyone.” So she made a simple rule for herself: every time she stepped outside, she’d say hi to whoever she passed, whether she knew them or not. Carole’s been at The Hacienda for over a year now and has made lots of friends and continues to try new things.

Her story is a testament to the power of grace under pressure, the courage to embrace change, and the strength to face the unknown with an open heart. Life has thrown Carole more than a few unexpected turns, but she’s met them all with quiet determination and a willingness to take risks. She reminds us that the key to moving forward isn’t just being prepared — it’s also being open. Open to new places, new people, and new possibilities, no matter where the road leads next.

Listen to an excerpt from Carole's interview.

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